I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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