I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
