Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
