you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She even gives head with a lisp.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
