i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
