My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
