toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
