We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
