I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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