did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
