Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
