i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
