At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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