Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
