my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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