I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
