did you get engaged???
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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