first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
