I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
