I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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