Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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