I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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