addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
