she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
