i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
