It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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