My cat gives me a boner
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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