I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
