matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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