dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
