That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
