3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
