I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
