Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
