hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
