Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
