remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
