yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He shit in the fireplace
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
