At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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