it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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