Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
