Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
