Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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