john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
