she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
