The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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