this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
