So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
