pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
