Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
