I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
